Exclusive: Inside England's Euro 2016 base at Auberge du Jeu de Paume

It might not be the kind of sentiment which first springs to mind when you think of Wayne Rooney and Joe Hart but England’s stars will be acquainting themselves with this French splendour from Monday after arriving at their Euro 2016 training base.

Roy Hodgson, his staff and the 23 players selected to travel to Euro 2016 will be located in the northern outskirts of Paris at the Auberge du Jeu de Paume, Chantilly, a hotel which will set you back £500 a night.

Normally this is the moment when we’d pore over the Tripadvisor reviews and pull out a few alarming complaints about stains on the mattress or a lack of tropical juice at the breakfast buffet. But why trawl internet comments when we can bring you proper expertise?

Funnily enough, Eurosport held a seminar at the very same hotel in 2015. And played a few football matches at the very same Stade des Bourgognes which will function as England’s training pitch.

So with the benefit of first-hand experience, here’s our top tips for Roy’s boys…

Our football tournament resulted in mass casualties amongst players. The ground is hard and unforgiving at Stade des Bourgognes and the grass pretty sparse. The FA has no doubt taken steps to ensure that by the time England arrive, facilities at the municipal football pitch are up to the required standard. Otherwise you might see more scenes such as this from our kickabout – which we are blaming squarely on the state of the turf:

The food is magnifique - great news for Jamie Vardy who we hear is a big fan of foie gras. Sadly (but probably prudently), team Eurosport never got to dine a la carte at the hotel's flagship restaurant, which boasts two Michelin stars and a plaque announcing it was given an award for serving the best hotel food in the whole of Europe. We did take a look at the menu, however, which showed the most reasonable thing on the menu during our stay was the mushroom risotto – coming in at around €70. Yikes.

We heartily recommend a pre-breakfast dip in the basement pool and spa. There’s a sauna and steam rooms to keep you occupied, or you can pour yourself some jasmine tea or freshly-squeezed orange juice, grab a handful of nuts and chomp on some chocolate while you bash out a few lengths. It’s not big enough for 23 professional players though, so get the jump on any lazy team-mates.

Pro tip: don’t have a swim with your phone in your pocket, though, unlike one luckless Eurosporter. The front of house staff may not look favourably on your pleas for a bag of uncooked rice to dry your phone out and bring it back to life.

If the 4-4-2 diamond formation just isn’t cutting it during the finals, Hodgson shouldn’t hesitate to hold a hastily convened summit meeting with key coaches and players. The staff at Auberge du Jeu de Paume like to fill glass tumblers with little sweets and leave them out for you – foam shrimps, the works. Just don't let Wazza over-indulge.

There's not much in the way of high-class nightclubs, but intrepid Eurosport carousers found this local cafe open late a few yards from the hotel. Staff may be initially startled at the arrival of several dozen foreigners on a week night, but they will warm to Team England as long as they keep putting away the local speciality - beer with a dash of Picon.

Stick to these guidelines and Euro 2016 success is assured. Sort of.