Good Week, Bad Week: Philippe Mexes’ wonderstrike, emotional Tevez, Zlatan likes attention

He may be out of our European sight now, but Carlos Tevez hasn't gone back to Argentina to wind down his career. Carlitos scored his first goal back at Boca Juniors this week, a curling free-kick into the corner of the net to help his side to a 3-0 win over Banfield, then went on to explain why playing at home was quite so special.

He said: "It makes me emotional to see all the great people supporting us - moms with crying babies in their arms; grandmothers touching their hearts on their chests and saying that they love me; kids who, when you make a gesture and look at them, their eyes fill with tears. It is hard to explain the love from everyone.

"With so little we bring happiness to so many people who fight each day for happiness. I am moved by everything and I wanted to share it because each day I regret less having returned to my country and the club that I love. Thanks for real!"

Marvellous stuff, that.

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The only correct response to putting a weak free-kick straight into the wall is simply to spank the rebound on the volley right into the top corner, as Uffenheim's Michael Böhm did this week.

Honestly, we're not sure why someone hasn't thought of that before.

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Milan's French defender Philippe Mexes doesn't score too many goals. Indeed, the cruel might say he doesn't do anything of any use too many times. However, when he does score goals, boy does he score goals.

Much like Morrissey, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is a man who just wants people to look at him every now and then. Mercifully Zlatan doesn't do this by saying ghastly things about the Chinese, but by making outrageous statements or elbowing John Terry in the head.

This summer has been about other people; Angel di Maria is heading for PSG, Radamel Falcao has been given another chance, Jose Mourinho has been Jose Mourinho. So poor old Zlatan needs some attention, and the way he's going to get it is by stamping his feet and saying something that will get people looking at him again.

"Where I go next, it will be a surprise, a very big surprise,” he said after scoring in a friendly against Manchester United.

A surprise, eh? Oh Zlatan, you tease. What sort of surprise could it be? Could it be England? Could it be the USA? Could it be the Federated States of Micronesia?

Or could it be that you're feeling a little unloved and needed everyone to pay attention once more? You, dear reader, can decide that one.

So then...Eric Cantona says you need to help fans of cash-strapped Bath City buy the club by purchasing shares. So...we guess you'll have to help fans of cash-strapped Bath City buy the club by purchasing shares. No real option now, is there?

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This week, Norwich announced how they will be commemorating the 80th anniversary of their stadium Carrow Road. If it wasn't enough that they are, for reasons unclear, marking a relatively arbitrary anniversary, one of the ways they did so was during a friendly against West Ham (who were their first opponents back in 1935), they asked fans to do this:

'With 10 minutes played, the Club encourage supporters to join a minute of applause - to commemorate the time elapsed when Doug Lochhead scored the stadium's first goal against West Ham 80 years previously.'

Soon, all gestures, of any description, will be rendered worthless.

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A peerless genius with a football, a walking lesson in sporting grace and an icon in a couple of countries because of his achievements in the game. And yet Zinedine Zidane has to debase himself by playing rugby.

Sad to see.

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Of course, comparing the levels of fines in football is something of a futile exercise, given the absurd things people are sanctioned for, but the Spanish government took the old biscuit this week when they fined Barcelona and Athletic Bilbao fans for booing the national anthem during the Copa del Rey final last season.

Barcelona were docked €66,000, Bilbao €18,000 and even the Spanish Football Federation are lighter in pocket to the tune of €123,000 for 'their part' in the whole affair.

Miguel Cardenal, the Spanish secretary of sport, said: “What took place was imprudent and everything should have been done to have prevented it. The fines are neither extraordinary or given in order to make an example. It was a strict and rigorous application. Millions of Spaniards saw how very important symbols were attacked by thousands of people inside the stadium.”

You might think the Spanish government would at least understand why sets of supporters from the Basque region and Cataluyna might have a problem or two with the national anthem, but alas not. The good news is, the clubs are contesting their absurd punishment.

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When you show up on your first day for a new job, you want to make a good impression. Be polite, shine your shoes, offer to make coffee. Oh, and don't wear a t-shirt depicting a murderous fascist dictator. All fairly basic stuff, but important.

We're not sure about new Real Jaen CF signing Nuno Silva's manners or footwear or beverage making, but we do know that he didn't manage the last bit, arriving at his presentation for his new club sporting a top with a large picture of one General Francisco Franco on it.

When certain objections were raised, Silva apologised. Well, sort of. He claimed not to know who Franco was, and all those naughty things that he did.

“Today was my presentation as a new player at Real Jaen CF in the press room of La Victoria,” he began. “Given the controversy over my shirt, I wanted to clarify that I acquired it a long time ago in Portugal and never knew the impact this historical figure has to part of Spanish society.

"I lived in Portugal and Angola and I don't know the bulk of Spanish history, so was completely unaware of the significance of wearing that shirt in your country. I want to apologize to all those who have felt offended or who have been shocked. At no time I have tried to make excuses for the ideologies professed by this person. I do not have any political preferences.”

Anyone buying it?

Speaking of paper-thin excuses, Middlesbrough fan Ernest Goult was given a three-year football banning order this week after being found guilty of making a racist gesture towards Rudy Gestede, then of Blackburn, last season.

Goult tried to explain the time-honoured despicable 'monkey' gesture by saying it was a well-known local method of signalling something was 'the pits'.

The judge, you'll be astonished to learn, didn't buy it. Goult was also told to pay a £600 fine, £600 costs and a £60 victim surcharge.