The Warm-Up: Evra proves he loves United by copying Cantona

Really, we can all just go home now. There seems little point in continuing with this football caper for any longer. The final thing for us all to enjoy happened before Marseille’s Europa League game against Guimaraes last night, when Patrice Evra kicked a fan. We’re all done, no more.

Of course, we don’t know yet why he did it. The speed at which he went for said supporter, aimed a roundhouse at his bonce then rapidly retreated suggests that something extremely untoward was said. Can we condone this sort of thing? Well, it very much depends on what was said: if it was anything of a racist nature, then the bloke in question was lucky to get away with just that. If it was more or less anything else, Evra could probably have let it go. He later posed for selfies with other fans, which we suppose is the modern method of apology.

It was quite refreshing that in Marseille’s official statement about the incident, they condemned not only Evra but the “pseudo fan” involved in whatever sort of abuse was dished out. Too often fans get away with this sort of thing, expecting players to take any abuse thrown their way with nodding servitude, but getting awfully precious when anything is sent back. Admittedly, a boot being sent back might have been a bit far.

The only thing now to do is compare the great two incidents: how does this compare to Eric Cantona? The commentary certainly wasn’t quite the same…

Arsenal are through to the next round of the Europa League, but does anyone care? Almost certainly not. The fans present weren’t especially impressed, after their progress to the knockout stages was confirmed by – get this – a 0-0 draw with Red Star Belgrade so soporific that Steve Bould had to be prodded awake after 74 minutes. Or something.

The Arsenal fans weren’t especially impressed with their side’s efforts, booing the second string that Arsene Wenger sent out to bore everyone silly as they grimly trudged off the field. Jack Wilshere was supposed to show the world that he deserved an England call-up for some reason, but instead produced a wet fart of a performance that convinced nobody, and everyone quietly contemplated what better things they could have done with their Thursday night.

Still, at least they’re through. Game three of David Unsworth’s four-game audition to be Everton manager went about as well as the other two, as his jazz-fusion team selection which included two right-backs, three defensive midfielders and zero forwards somehow didn’t work out brilliantly, and the Ev were booted from the Europa League after losing 3-0 to Lyon.

“We just can’t cave in when we concede a goal, and that is something we need to rectify going into Sunday’s game,” said Unsworth afterwards. That game is against Watford, and it will almost certainly end the Unsworth experiment: a shame, because he seems a decent bloke who loves the club, but Everton need someone else.

Horrific stuff in Marca today, as Santi Cazorla reveals that he very nearly had to have his foot amputated after contracting…god, gangrene. Cazorla has been out for over a year with an Achilles injury, but after eight operations (eight!) he is only just gradually inching back to fitness – and even that sounds like an enormous bonus.

Cazorla said that he picked up an infection from one of those surgeries and almost lost the foot. He was forced to have skin grafts from his arm onto the Achilles, resulting in the rather curious sight of a patch of tattooed flesh appearing in the middle of some very non-tattooed flesh.

Cazorla was told he might not walk, never mind play again, but both he and Arsenal are hopeful that he will return at some point in the coming months. Let’s hope he does.

Tommy Bechmann had probably been wondering what he was going to do with his life after retiring from football. A modest but decent spell with a few Bundesliga clubs, a few hundred games for a couple of clubs back home in Denmark and some under-21 caps represents an unspectacular but undeniably good career. He’s been a lucky man.

But then, more luck: Bechmann received a letter informing him he had won 5 million krone (around £585,000) in the lottery. “I checked the sender’s address and saw that it was the same one that had notified me when I had won 50 krone before,” he told Ekstrabladet. “I called [lottery organisers] Danske Spil and they confirmed the news to me. The winter holiday will probably be a little more luxurious than planned.”

Many footballers, who famously earn quite a comfortable living, might have donated the money to charity, and Bechmann still might, but we have to admire him for just saying “Yeah, I’m probably going to upgrade to the bridal suite and order in some Cristal. So long suckers!”

Two things you need to know about Kevin Campbell. 1) He’s the Englishman with the most Premier League goals to never play for his country. 2) He’s comfortable with this sort of neckware when on TV. Which is the finer achievement? That’s really not for us to say.

117 years ago today, Adolf Dassler was born. As you know he, along with his brother Rudolf, founded adidas, which remains the coolest sporting brand of them all. You can keep your Nikes, your Hummels, your Hi-Tecs: adidas remains king of them all. So let’s go back to 1990, and drink in the best of their finest work, the West Germany kit for the World Cup in Italy.

Richard Keys, eh? The man who gives the already soiled name of banter a much more soiled name. On Football365, Daniel Storey discusses how Keysey’s schtick is much more damaging than that.

Good weekend lies ahead in the Premier League. Saturday’s games are so-so, a collection of fixtures that have ‘last on Match of the Day’ written all over them, but the business end of the whole thing comes on Sunday. Spurs vs Crystal Palace: BANG! Manchester City vs Arsenal: THWACK! Chelsea vs Manchester United KABABABABABOOOOM! And then Everton vs Watford. Erm….thhhrrrrp. Anyway, should be good. See you on the other side.