The Warm-Up: Jose Mourinho's Cristiano Ronaldo conspiracy; Coutinho set to leave Liverpool
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Updated 09/08/2017 at 06:56 GMT
The Warm-Up: Jose Mourinho's Cristiano Ronaldo conspiracy; Coutinho set to leave Liverpool
Jose Mourinho removes his runners-up medal
Image credit: Reuters
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PARANOID TO WORK HERE BUT IT HELPS
Football’s back, and that intense yet strangely familiar whooshing sound you can hear is just Jose Mourinho accelerating from nought to conspiracy in 3.4 nanoseconds from the season starting.
Having watched Real Madrid comprehensively outplay his Manchester United side in a 2-1 Super Cup defeat, Mourinho launched a familiar defence:
One of their goals was an offside. With a good VAR system it would be 1-1 and extra-time.
You have to feel for Mourinho, who definitely wouldn’t have complained about having to play an extra 30 minutes had that scenario played out.
But then, with a sleight of hand befitting this master of grievance, Mourinho took it in another unexpected direction.
We were playing a team full of fantastic players, we discussed the result until almost the end. Then Cristiano came on and the referee wanted to show the respect for this amazing player. Every time Cristiano wanted it, the ref blew for a free-kick and the game was stopped.
Yeah, that’s what went wrong.
Still, if his intention was to deflect attention from Manchester United getting comprehensively outplayed, it’s worked on the Warm-Up which is now talking about Mourinho’s silly excuse and not the fact his team got comprehensively outplayed.
Outplayed. Comprehensively.
THAT PLAYER UNITED WEREN’T GOING TO SIGN? THEY’RE NOT GOING TO SIGN HIM
Having ascribed ludicrous significance to Zinedine Zidane’s selection or otherwise of Gareth Bale in what is pretty much just a deluxe friendly, Mourinho has admitted it is “game over” in United’s pursuit of Bale.
Before the match, Mourinho said: “If he plays it is because he is in the plans of the coach and the club, and it is in his own plans and ambitions to stay there.”
Even if we accept Mourinho’s shaky premise that had he not played he might have been available, it doesn’t matter because he did play and that’s that.
“Game over even before it started – everybody knows he is going to stay.”
That much is certainly true. So saga over – at least until Mourinho’s next pronouncement or a ‘cryptic’ Instagram post from Bale.
In fact, how about this one?
- Usain Bolt’s a United fan, isn’t he?
- And he’s pointing up... Manchester’s in the north.
- And hey! “Watched Usain Bolt” is an anagram of “A cab to United slwh”
BARCELONA ‘AGREE DEAL FOR COUTINHO’
It seems increasingly like Philippe Coutinho has played his last game for Liverpool, with claims emerging that Barcelona have agreed a deal to sign the little scamp.
It’s not just Liverpool fans who will miss the delightful Coutinho, but there’s not much to do here except sigh and accept that this is football’s food chain at work. Southampton < Liverpool < Barcelona.
We can only hope that everyone continues to behave with decorum and the whole thing steers clear of Van Dijk-style bridge-burning.
IN OTHER NEWS
That feeling when this isn’t the most ridiculous picture of you playing football last night.
Marouane Fellaini, we salute you.
HEROES AND ZEROES
Hero: Ronaldinho
Zero: Romelu Lukaku
Yes, he scored soon after, but this is not a good look for a £75m striker.
HAT TIP
David Squires reviews the summer, featuring Kim Jong-Un, Darron Gibson and Come to Besiktas.
COMING UP
John Terry's Aston Villa adventure continues with a trip to Colchester in the Carabao Cup tonight - follow all the live scores from 19:45 UK time.
If Jack Lang does Thursday’s Warm-Up it is because he is in the plans of the editor and the website, and it is in his own plans and ambitions to stay there.
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