The Warm-Up: Sturridge just misses a trick; an Idiot's Guide to Getting Sent Off

The only constant thing in Daniel Sturridge’s life is the change in performances, the Greek philosopher Heraclitus once said.

OK, so that has been very badly bastardised to try and explain the infuriating displays of the Liverpool striker, but you get the drift.

He was at it again last night, scoring twice against Tottenham to give Jurgen Klopp’s men a 2-1 win in the League Cup.

Many will point to the standard of the competition as reason enough to overlook the England striker’s goals, but there is a nicely plump underbelly of talent in Mauricio Pochettino’s squad so it was no easy night.

The problem for Sturridge, who seemed to be mid-slump against Slovenia just a couple of weeks ago, is consistency. And that’s not just game to game, that’s minute to minute. Because, not only did he score twice, he also missed a couple of relatively straightforward chances.

Perhaps if he had put one of them away, and picked up a hat-trick, he would have forced himself into the first XI for the match against Crystal Palace on Saturday. But Klopp must be wondering how he can rely on the unreliable.

The pundits seem to agree, with the consistent (in the dourness stakes at least) Graeme Souness wondering whether the 27-year-old’s work-rate might also count against him...

Klopp said after the match: "I never was in doubt about him even when he didn't score. Not a question.”

But the German knows that quality is not the query hanging endlessly over Sturridge.

Hands up who feels sorry for the £12million-a-year, best paid manager in the world, Jose Mourinho. What, no-one?

What if you were told that he seems pretty miserable in Manchester? That’s right, the Special One, in a rare moment of candour about his private life, has confessed he has been in a bit of a mess since moving to the North West, where he resides in the Lowry hotel and is constantly accosted by photographers.

"For me, it's a bit of a disaster because I want sometimes to walk a little bit and I can't,” he said on Tuesday. “I just want to cross the bridge and go to a restaurant. I can't, so it's really bad."

Fortunately for him, United are apparently not putting pressure on the 53-year-old to do something silly like buy a house away from the media glare while he is living a long way from his wife and two children.

"The reality is that my daughter will be 20 next week, my son will be 17 in a couple of months,” Mourinho added. “They are very stable. University in London. Football in London. Friends.”

Yes, this is the manager who once sprinted down the touchline of Old Trafford and slid on his knees to celebrate a Porto victory and then this week objected to Antonio Conte supposedly inciting fans during Chelsea's win over United at Stamford Bridge. But surely that does not stop us all feeling a spot of sympathy for him and his current travails.

Still no-one? Well, The Warm-Up tried its best.

Just a brief aside on Newcastle (remember them?) – because they are officially popular again. And no, this is not a Mike Ashley PR drive, it is there in black and white – stats and shirts that is – for all to see. Just under 50,000 fans watched Rafa Benitez’s side hammer Preston 6-0. And all this in the League Cup, against another Championship side.

It seems the recent basket cases of the Premier League, who exactly a year ago lost 3-0 to bitter rivals Sunderland, are eyeing Wembley after reaching the quarter-finals. Chancel Mbemba even seemed to get a bit emotional about the win...

Preston fans... not so much. And they'll be more miffed than Mourinho to hear that they face, you guessed it, the same team on Saturday in the Championship.

For those that weren’t entirely sure of the rules, Gabriel Paletta has handily put together an idiot’s guide to getting sent off. Of course, in this particular instance the aforementioned idiot is the Argentine, not whoever is making use of his model - just to be clear. Anyway, here we interpret his efforts last night against Genoa as Milan lost 3-0.

First, make sure there is no immediate threat of a goal. Second, charge at full speed towards your unsuspecting opponent. Third, and this is really important, make sure both feet leave the ground for as long as possible as you lunge over the ball roughly ten minutes late and chop down the attacker. In case that is not completely clear, watch this...

Of course to add extra panache and professionalism points, add in token looks of exasperation and pull up your socks before trudging off (to then pull down your socks again).

Given the big match tonight, it’s worth a look back at a previous meeting between the two Manchester teams in the League Cup fourth round. It’s worth watching for probably one of the scrappiest goals you will see (the opener) but also two outstanding badly timed jumps for a header, where a duo land with both feet firmly on the ground before the ball contrives to hit one of them on the bonce.

The Guardian’s Paul Wilson penned a nice preview of tonight’s Manchester derby which seems to draw comparison between the Portuguese boss and a certain Italian striker…

Given the above, could it possibly get any worse for Mourinho? Well, yes. Tonight, in fact. Fresh from a 4-0 rout at Chelsea and the news that Eric Bailly, arguably his best and most consistent defender, will be out for two months, his Manchester United side have another match. It has all the ingredients for another meltdown: a clash in a competition he’d rather eat glass than play in – check; potential to add injuries to an already thin-looking squad – check; opposition that are not only bitter rivals desperate for a win, but a team that could possibly tear apart his sacrificial second-team lambs in brutal fashion – check.

Oh, and there are these other matches in the League Cup…

Southampton v Sunderland (19.45)

West Ham v Chelsea (19.45)