Voice in head kept telling me 'you're sh*t' while millions saw me suffer mental breakdown live on TV

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My UK Championship quarter-final against Stephen Hendry in 2006 was an illustration of what can go wrong when you are not thinking straight.

I was losing 4-1 to Hendry in a best-of-17 frame quarter-final match when I played an awful positional shot in potting a black.

All I could hear was a voice in my head telling me "you're s**t". I didn't even know what was going on, but what I did know is that I didn't want to be playing any more snooker as I offered Stephen the handshake before getting out of the arena. I was just so low.

Walking out against Hendry was an accumulation of personal problems I was having off the table, and they all came to the surface with millions watching on television.

I was in sabotage mode.

That is probably one of my worst moments in snooker. And one I truly regret. Knowing then what I know now working with Dr Steve, it would not have happened. I would have hung in there for the long haul.

I have to thank Dr Steve Peters for the support and professional help he has given me. All the work we have done has shown me I can overcome my negative emotions. And that I don't have to be unhappy and edgy.

But it does take work and regular maintenance to stay on top of these negative patterns that can resurface at any time given the chance.

This has been something I have worked hard on over the past two-three months. It has taken time and effort to slowly work out what it is I want in my life. It's so easy to just fall back into the rat race. It can happen to us all. I really have to ask myself on a constant basis: what really is important to me? Is it chasing snooker competitions? Is it chasing the money? Is it being a good father? Is it being a good partner? Is it being a fitness fanatic?

In the time and culture we live in, it is so hard not to get sucked in with work and no play without realising you are neglecting things that are important to you.

Working does give you self-esteem. We all need that in our lives, but it also comes with a lot of stress. This is where we need the balance.

I have to make sure there is a reward through my work that does not rely on my happiness coming from winning snooker competitions. That's not deep happiness. Those are just fleeting moments of happiness that soon pass. Real happiness is deep and long lasting.

We all can use each other for support. I need people. I need my work, and my family. But I also need to feed the soul. Without the soul feeling fulfilled, I'm doomed to a life on the treadmill of going nowhere.

I recommend any one that's identified with my blog, to buy Dr Steve's book The Chimp Paradox. Perhaps as a Christmas present. Have a read and see if some of what Steve says in his book applies to you. Steve lives what he says in his book, and is one of the most calming influences I have around me. I have bought into what he has shown me. I can now take charge of how I'm feeling.

I can now create my own happiness. Don't get me wrong, it takes some work and effort, but I'm determined to remain on the right path. I am in better control of my emotions since I walked out of that match against Stephen eight years ago. Since then, I've picked up three more world titles. I put most of that success down to my regular meetings with Steve.

And I'd love to add another UK Championship to my collection of four over the next few weeks.

I've had some magical moments at the UK, the greatest of which is probably winning my first ranking event against one of my heroes in Hendry.

I've been lucky enough to win this event on four occasions. It is an event I love playing in, second only to the World Championship. I've played some great matches at the UK. One of my best was coming from 8-4 down to Peter Ebdon and winning 9-8 in 2001 - that was a great match.

I had already packed my bags at the interval. I was 6-2 down to Peter, and I was playing pretty badly. Then it clicked. My game came together, and I played great.

I then beat Mark Williams in the semis 9-6 in what was a high-quality match. It is one where I really enjoyed myself, and still remember it as one of the best matches I've played in.

In the final, I was feeling really good as I won 10-1 against Ken Doherty. I played some good stuff.

That was some of the best snooker I can remember playing.

I hate to say it, but I still feel the UK has lost a little of its class as 128 players is far too many for the Barbican Centre to handle. It is all a bit hectic for such a fantastic tournament. Snooker is much better when there are not so many players crammed into a small venue.

Having said that, when the last 32 begins it starts to feel a lot more like a proper event. But it is still not what we are used to. Four tables in the main venue mean it does lose its intimacy. I believe snooker needs a smaller venue to create the tense atmosphere that makes the sport great. It feels like you're playing in a snooker hall when you have the four tables set up.

Come the last 16. we get down to the two-table set up. The whole atmosphere changes. It is just you, your opponent and the crowd. This is when a snooker event comes alive. You really feel like you are in a cauldron-like atmosphere. As a player, I live for these moments.

That why I liked the Champion of Champions tournament in Coventry so much. The one-table set up made it feel special. You had the whole audience's attention. You knew you were playing for every spectator that was there. Please let us have more of this set-up - we love it as top professionals.

The UK really marks the point when the season gets going. The big competitions come quick and fast. Before you know it, the World Championship is around the corner.

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