The Warm-Up: Jose Mourinho has turned into everything he hates; Arsene Wenger, basically
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Updated 03/10/2018 at 07:04 GMT
Plus: Vegan projectile is symbol of society's ills; Paulo Dybala is excellent; Igor Akinfeev probably said some bad words.
Manchester United's Portuguese manager Jose Mourinho reacts
Image credit: Getty Images
WEDNESDAY’S BIG STORIES
Mourinho can’t even park the bus properly
From the moment United’s coach got stuck in traffic, things looked bleak. The team’s late arrival forced a delayed kick-off. Valencia, despite being away from home, managed to find their way to Old Trafford on time.
When Jose Mourinho can’t even park the bus properly, you know there’s a problem.
The game eventually started, and United showed no improvement in their mobility or problem-solving. Another dismal performance. A fourth consecutive home game without victory. One more unhappy step towards the divorce between United and Mourinho.
See those disappointing results? They were phenomenal
Post-match, Mourinho defended his players after a fashion. That fashion being to say they can’t help being so hopeless.
“The players, they tried,” Mourinho said, like a parent whose child has just finished last in the egg-and-spoon race. “I said in pre-season that last season was phenomenal,” he added, before listing the sort of achievements for which he rightly spent a decade mocking Arsene Wenger.
Second in the Premier League. FA Cup runners-up. Champions League group winners (before losing in the last 16). Mid-2000s Jose would unquestionably call that three failures.
And to fans hoping that was a stepping stone to success? Nope, sorry. That was the peak. That was the ceiling of what this team can achieve. Why? Because my players are rubbish.
They raised the level of their intensity (although) we don’t have many players with that intensity.
We tried to play but in some crucial positions we don’t have the technical quality to build from the back.
We knew that we were not going to create 20 chances.
Now, this was obviously a pop at Ed Woodward for not signing more players in the summer, but;
- It rather ignores the £350m-odd of ‘talent’ that has arrived during Mourinho’s tenure.
- Does he really think Harry Maguire is what stands between this side and greatness?
Still, nice to see United are still a club with class. They do things the right way. They don’t turn on each other in public.
Villa fan’s shoot-to-kale policy
As fan protests go, throwing a cabbage onto the pitch seems right out of Ye Olde Medieval playbook. Not to Steve Bruce. The Aston Villa manager reckons this act of vegetal violence summed up everything that’s wrong with the modern world.
“Unfortunately, it sums up the society we are in at the moment. There's no respect for anyone.”
These kids, with their flossing and their emojis, going round chucking cabbages at each other.
"Certainly for someone like (the perpetrator), I’m surprised he knew what a cabbage was. I find the whole thing hugely disrespectful," Bruce tutted.
Amusingly, the incident took place before Villa’s 3-3 draw with Preston – a match in which Bruce’s side threw away a 2-0 lead, then missed a 96th-minute penalty to win the game.
IN OTHER NEWS
Who knows why, but there was a League Cup game last night. It went to penalties, Southampton beat Everton, and Richarlison did this.
Now, Paul Pogba has shown that a stupid run-up and a competent penalty can co-exist... but it’s still funny when they go wrong.
HEROES AND ZEROES
Hero: Paulo Dybala
Dybala stepped up for a Juventus side with every reason to feel unsettled. The highlight of his hat-trick against Young Boys was this gorgeous finish that exemplified everything Manchester United lack. Calmness, confidence, quality, other alliterative words...
Zero: Igor Akinfeev
We don’t know what the Russian goalkeeper said to the Romanian referee, but two yellow cards in two seconds suggest it was pretty spicy. Good job on beating Real Madrid, mind.
RETRO CORNER
Zlatan Ibrahimovic is 37 today. It’s nice to remember a time when he was more than a brand-humping irritation, so let’s relive a couple of moments from the dying days of his time at Ajax.
You’ve seen this goal before but, 40-yard kung-fu volley be damned, it remains his masterpiece. Of particular delight; the cameraman getting totally mugged off at the start but gradually learning (if only Phil Jones shows such a capacity for improvement); and, of course, Rafael van der Vaart’s reaction.
And we follow it with one of the strangest post-match interviews you will ever see.
HAT TIP
So it turns out Hector Bellerin is more than flamboyant clothing and idiosyncratic defensive positioning fame. Here he is talking about the environment and social issues. Perhaps not the most scintillating video you’ll ever see, but it’s nice to see a footballer step outside of their bubble and consider the outside world.
COMING UP
More Champions League tonight! Competing for our attention in the 20:00 slot are Tottenham v Barcelona and Napoli v Liverpool, both of which should be terrific.
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