Anyhow, thanks for your company - ta-ra.
- 2nd Half
- Luis AlbertoAkpa Akpro81'
- Lucas LeivaEscalante53'
- Lucas Leiva51'
- Acerbi (o.g.)47'
- 1st Half
- Luis Alberto28'
SS Lazio - FC Bayern Munich
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Bayern are a stupidly brilliant team, and this tie is over; it'll take something decent to beat them.
Lazio 1-4 Bayern Munich
Marusic sums up Lazio's night, booting the ball out of play for no reason. His team has, I'm afraid, been extremely poor.
Sule, who's also played well, runs at Lulic, who trips him. Alaba will have another shy at a free-kick, this time from further out and wider. He wafts an effort over the bar, and jogs back grinning.
Akpa-Akpro nips away with a loose ball and looks for Immobile, who tries to feed him back in ... but Davies, who's been the best player on the pitch, intercepts.
There'll be four added minutes.
There'll be four added minutes.
Choupo-Moting replaces Musiala and Sarr replaces Sane.
Now Bayern knock it about. I've not seen many teams as powerful as they are who are as good on the ball as they are.
Possession for Lazio as Bayern sit off. They'll need their pressing legs another time.
That's lovely from Davies, turning 180 degrees and running away from two men before being crowded out. He plays with so much freedom and so much intelligence.
Time is elapsing, but only just.
Davies wriggles past two challenges - he is so so good - and finds Musiala, who can't pick a return pass.
Lazio win a corner down the right which Immobile takes (I think), Acerbi arriving onto the ball at the near post and heading just wide.
Two more changes for Lazio, Luis Alberto and Milinkovic-Savic going off with Cataldi and Akpa-Akpro coming on.
My console crashes, returning just in time for me to tell you about Reina playing Hoedt into trouble - the ball pops up into the air and is knocked towards Lewandowski, who brings it down and swivels in one movement, ramming a shot that the keeper shoves away.
Hernandez replaces Coman.
The yellows are mounting up, Coman arriving just as Marisic gets rid of the ball and not really bothering to try and stop even though he probably couldn't have done. He's booked.
Lazio just want this to be over.
Gosh, Olivier Giroud has put Chelsea ahead away to Atletico ... with an overhead kick. Follow that game here:
Sule heads away the cross.
Lazzari runs at Davies - good luck old mate - and Davies slides alongside to block the expected cross - but the ref doesn't get it and gives a foul. Kimmich is booked for advising to the contrary.
It's nice for a left-footer and Alaba has just had a sighter, but Sane takes it and it clips the top of the wall; the resultant corner comes to nothing.
Eeesh! Lewandwoski skates away towards the box so Escalante slides in, back garden-style, to scythe him down. He's booked, and Bayern have a free-kick 25 yards out, just right of centre.
Sule's had a good game tonight. Jermaine Jenas notes that after an injury as serious as his, it can take 10-12 games to get properly fit and comfy.
Lazio try to play their way out of defence, then someone, Hoedt I think, swing a pass to no one out of play.
Looking for the near top corner, Alaba swerves a free-kick narrowly wide.
Martinez slings a long ball out to Coman, down the right, who slinks by Marisic and wears the inevitable foul. Marisic is booked and Bayern have a free-kick just by the right corner of the box.
Martinez replaces Goretzka, who's just feeling his way back from injury.
Here's a thought: Bayern can play loads better than this.
Hoedt clears limply and Sane collects the loose ball, driving towards the box. But he can't pick out Goretzka - who's been quiet tonight.
Leroy sane's return to Germany hasn't gone as well as he'd have liked, but he's looked more like his old self tonight.
But they try it again, Correa sliding in because he thinks he's nailed Boateng, but the defender eases away and absorbs the hack. Correa is booked.
Lazio are pressing Bayern now and looking much more threatening as a consequence.
I've learnt some Italian. Autorete, own goal.
This made me laugh.
A double change for Lazio, Escalante and Hoedt replacing Lucas and Patric.
Luis Alberto looks like Lazio's best player and by far, ducking inside to find Correa, who plays a one-two off Immobile before curling a low shot that Neuer dives to shove away.
Imagine how Lazio are going to feel packing to go to Germany, in a pandemic, to play a tie that's already over.
Lucas is fouled for a late tackle on Musiala.
GOAL! Lazio 1-4 Bayern Munich (Correa) Nice from Luis Alberto, who wins the ball in midfield and slips a decent ball into Correa, who takes a touch and slots a decent finish under Neuer. Game on!
I hate to say it, but I'm not sure you can describe what we're seeing as anything other than a tremendous bottle.
GOAL! Lazio 0-4 Bayern Munich (Acerbi own-goal) Shaaaaaame! Sane streaks away down the left, Patric trying to catch up, and he shimmies inside then diddles him outside, crossing low for Daicves, but Acerbi decides he has to do something - he does - only can't decide what that something is, so he slides the ball into his own empty net. that was hard to watch, or would've been had it not been so funny. that was truly dreadful behaviour.
Lazio win a corner and Luis Alberto's delivery isn't bad, but the ball drops to Bayern and the clear, sending Sane away....
We go again.
Lazio waited 21 years for this. Ah.
Half-time: Lazio 0-3 Bayern Munich
Sane pops up on the right, twinkling past two challenges before teeing up Lewandowski, whose shot is saved.
There'll be one added minute.
Imagine if they can be bothered to in the second half.
Bayern haven't even played that well.
GOAL! Lazio 0-3 Bayern Munich (Sane) And there's his punishment. A dreadful mistake by Patric, who trips over his own fat feet and collapses in a heap, allows Coman to screech at Acerbit, turning him outside and coming away from goal, then nipping back the other way to drive a low cross that Reina shoves out and Sane plants into the empty net. Thanks for coming, lads.
What are Lazio playing at? Lulic cuts back for Correa, who steps over it with no one behind him. Just hit it, man!
Better from Lazio, Marusic charging down the right and taking a pass from Acerbi. But there's no one there to meet his cross which Correa eventually turns back for Immobile; his shot is deflected behind for a corner which comes to nothing.
Lazio don't really know what to do here.
Lewandowski should make it three! A poor kick from Reina goes straight to Goretzka, who finds Musiala; he looks ready to shoot but his touch is heavy, allowing a tackle with sends the ball square to Lewandowski ... whose shot, with Reina already moving the wrong way, somehow hits the keeper's leg.
Lazio don't look entirely important though, and Luis Alberto carries it forward before waiting for the perfect moment to release Marusic ... only to overhit his slide-rule pass.
Davies finds Lewandowski down the left-hand side of the box, but he runs out of pitch before he can cut the ball across.
Eesh. Mussachio, whose bum backpass created the first goal, is replaced by Lulic. He's had better nights.
Nice from Bayern, Boateng slinging a long ball over to Coman, lurking on the left of the box. It bounces in front of him and he tries to impart his brow to it, but can't quite get the connection.
From what I've seen this season, Bayern and Man City are a class above the rest. Obviously PSG have the individuals to beat any team on a good day, and if Liverpool turn up they're a hard night for anyone, but I'd expect the winners to come from one of those two.
Luis Alberto slides in on Davies with foot and studs high, for which he's booked.
They were actually growing into the game, but they still looked a little bit feart of Bayern - with good reason - and now have to play for 150 minutes knowing thye're beaten.
I've not a clue what Lazxio do from here.
GOAL! Lazio 0-2 Bayern Munich (Musiala) Yeah, this tie is past tense. Davies sways past a couple of challenges and finds Goretzka, who quickly moves on to Musiala; he takes a touch, steadies himself, and from the edge of the box sweeps a fine finish into the bottom-left corner like it's nothing (which it is not). Seventeen years old, people.
Bayern continue knocking it about but Lazio pick up a loose pass and Correa drives at their defence, sliding a pass in front of Luis Alberto to his left. The space is inside the far post, but he knows the keeper expects him to go there so tries to open his body and sweep it insisde the near, bui can't get the power to trouble Neuer.
Elsewhere, Chelsea are drawing 0-0 away to Atletico, and had Mason Mount booked after 55 seconds - that's the quickest in the competition so far this season. Follow along here.
Bayern knock it about trying to draw Lazio onto them.
Looking again, Sergej was probably on his way down, but it was still probably a penalty.
Nice from Lazio, Sergej taking the ball outside the box and ducking inside Boateng who seems to chop him down just inside the box. But the ref and VAR judge to the contrary.
Lazio have started to play a bit.
Better from Lazio, Lazzari running and Davies and chopping inside, but Alaba is there to clear.
Bayern work it out to Sane who attracts defenders like a strip of flypaper attracts flies, backheeling a glorious pass to Kimmich. His cross is knocked behind for a corner, and that comes to nothing.
Sergej drills a crossfield pass out to Immobile, and the flag goes up. But still, any port in a storm - and a replay shows that he was on.
In the meantime, they can't get the ball.
What do Lazio do from here? They can't go to Germany without a goal, but if they chase one they'll just get rinsed on the counter.
GOAL! Lazio 0-1 Bayern Munich (Lewandowski) Coman prompts outside the box but the ball falls to Mussachio who slides back to Reina ... except Lewandowski is between them and seizes possession, nipping across the front of the keeper and tucking a finish into the empty net. Nine minutes gone, and Lazio are already in a world of trouble.
Lazio don't clear the corner properly, and when the ball breaks to Davies, he swings a pass over to Kimmich on the opposite side of the box; the eventuating cross is a goodun, but Lewandowski's swing is at fresh air and it passes between his legs. Rubbish, him.
Bayern are starting to move, and Sule clodhops into the box, showing lovely feet to slip between two men like a dancing bear; his low cross is knocked behind by Sergej, as Milinkovic-Savic likes to be known.
Milinkovic-Savic bounces Davies off the ball just over halfway, and it's fair to say that tihs match has yet to get going.
Nice from Marusic, clopping down the left and finding Correa. He can't find much so the ball goes out to the right, where Davies quickly intervenes.
Corrrea shows Coman some nice feet on halfway, wearing the consequent foul.
It's back being nice weather in Rome, apparently. I can't tell you how much unseasonable (for England) sun on Euro aways.
Away we go!
What a tune!
I should note that Bayern only have six men on the bench, thanks to a combination of corona and injury.
Here come the teams!
However I was lucky enough to be there for Ronaldo's outrageous header for Man United against Roma, so it's not all bad.
Lazio's Stadio Olimpico is, without doubt, one of the worst big grounds out there. It's shallow not steep, miles out of town, and you're miles from the action. I've not a clue why they built it like this, nor why they've not resolved it in the intervening years.
This is not news, but Raphinha is a player. I hope he stays at Leeds, but he might be too good for them to refuse however much someone will offer for him.
Elsewhere, Leeds are 3-0 up on Southampton with two minutes of the 90 remaining. Bamford, Dallas and Raphinha scored the goals.
Lazio haven't reached the knockouts since 2000, when Sven-Goran Eriksson's side lost to Valencia. it did not go all that well.
Just look at this nutter.
My guess is that Lazio look to invite Bayern onto them, not that they'll have much choice in the matter. They'll then look to counter quickly - Bayern sit higher than any other side - or hope that Milinkovic-Savic can conjure something.
It's strange what's happened to Bayern this season. Given the nature of the club and players, I expected them to move it on, perhaps going on to be one of the best sides we've ever seen. They still might, but there's been a drop since last summer.
Get in the mood.
Jamal Musiala was born in Stuttgart but went to school in England and is only 17. I'm excited to see how he does, and I don't think it'll be long before Gareth Southgate is on the blower - partly because he's good and partly because England are short of quality in his position.
Kimmich is just an absolutely obscene footballer - I guess he's the successor to Philipp Lahm, able to excel in any position on the pitch. Ultimately you probably want him on the ball as often as possible, but Sule is not really a right-back and if I was Simone Inzaghi I'd be targeting him hard.
As for Bayern, they are missing three men who started last season's final: Thiago, who went to Liverpool because he fancied losing at home to Burnley and Brighton, Gnabry, who's injured, and Muller, who's injured. The former is replaced by Sule, who'll play right-back with Kimmich taking the midfield spot, with the other two repaced by Sane, in a straight swap, and Musiala, who'll be alongside Kimmich with Goretzka playing further forward.
Those more familiar with the Premier League than Serie A will note the presence of two Liverpool alumni in the Lazio team, Pepe Reina and Lucas Leiva. I'm not sure either of them were much use even at their peak, so.
Lazio make one change from the weekend win over Sampdoria, Lazzari coming in for Lulic. They'll play three at the back and rely on Milinkovic-Savic and Immobile for their creativity while, at the back, Musacchio makes his first Champions League appearance for Lazio - he was signed from Villarreal in January.
Let's have some teams...
Last season, this game would've looked a little different. Lazio finished fourth in Serie A but just five points behind Juventus, the champions, and were in the race for almost the entirety of the season. Bayern, meanwhile, put in the most dominant season in Champions League history and won both that and the league in devastating style.
Now, though, Lazio sit sixth in the table, 10 points behind Inter who're top. Bayern, meanwhile, are still top of their league but have already lost three times and conceded 31 times; in the entirety of last season, they lost four times and conceded 32. They are pregnable, and both they and Lazio know it.
Evening all, and welcome to Lazio v Bayern Munich in the first leg of the Champions League last 16!