Love from the fans keeps Harry Kane at Tottenham and lots of Carabao Cup goals - The Warm-Up
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Updated 26/08/2021 at 08:20 GMT
It's over. It's official. Harry Kane is going nowhere. At least, not this summer. And it's all thanks to the warmth from the fans and nothing to do with City not paying the money. Oh no. Meanwhile the Carabao Cup has goals all over the place, except at Newcastle, and Gareth Bale is coming in for some unnecessary stick.
'Fantastic news' - Nuno pleased Kane is staying at Spurs
THURSDAY'S BIG STORIES
Going, Going, Not Gone
Having spent all summer talking to his agent, his chairman and his preferred journalists, Harry Kane — who is staying at Tottenham — now has to talk to the fans. Here is what he is saying: "It was incredible to see the reception from the Spurs fans on Sunday and to read some of the messages of support I've had in the last few weeks."
This is, of course, the first step in the forgiveness rituals that follow any failed transfer saga. It's a dance, ancient and beautiful. Kane, alone in a single spotlight, moves to the centre of the stage. He bows, submissive and contrite. The lights come up on the Tottenham crowd, who respond cautiously, perhaps even standoffishly, but not with outright hostility.
Kane begins to move around the stage. He makes offerings. A goal. Another goal. The crowd warm to him, slowly, each goal melting their heart just a little further. With a flourish, Kane springs to one corner of the stage: an in-depth interview with one of the serious papers. Head turned, only one career, the full story will come out one day. Another flourish! He's signed a new contract. And then back to the goals. The crowd are cheering now. Everything is okay.
Obviously, everybody involved knows that the translated version of Kane's statement reads something like: "It was disappointing to see the lack of a big enough bid from the City board this week and to read some of the messages of 'lol, no' I've had from Daniel Levy in the last few weeks." But no need to mention that, there's dancing to be done.
Let's assume, for the sake of argument that there is a fee that would have worked. We don't need to work out exactly what it is, since City apparently had no interest in doing so; we just need to be confident that they could have paid it if they had wanted to. Maybe the thought of FFP put them— hahahahahaha. Sorry. Just our little joke there.
It seems clear that City viewed Kane as a "nice to have" option, not a necessity. Sensible, perhaps, for a 28-year-old with ankles made of crossed fingers. But those ankles come attached to feet that score a lot of goals, and there's a hole in City's squad marked "didn't we have a Sergio Agüero that went in here". It's probably simplistic to reduce the title race down to "Chelsea got their striker and City didn't get theirs", but it's extremely tempting.
And if we wanted to get really conspiratorial, we'd note that Kane's news arrived on the same day that Pep Guardiola told the world that he'd probably be off in two years' time. He wants to see the world, manage an international team, maybe have a crack at the Copa América. City's squad, then, isn't just being built for him. It's being built for whoever comes next. You'd buy such a manager a Grealish, of course, young and hungry and endlessly versatile. You might not buy them a Kane. Not at these prices.
As for Kane's new contract, reports are that he might be in line for a wage bump, to see him through to the twilight of his career. It is also being suggested that Charlie Kane, agent to his brother, has heard of these things called "release clauses" and is interested in trying them out. To which we can only say: best of luck, Charlie. That number's going to be bigger than you can possibly imagine.
Goals, Goals, No Goals
Mysterious times in the Carabao Cup. Arsenal, the all-powerful Premier League team, picked a team stuffed with first-team players — Pepe, Saka, Xhaka, Aubameyang — while their opponents, West Brom, sent out the stiffs to do their best. It's sickening to see Arsène Wenger's proud legacy besmirched like this, but it's amazing what the lack of European football will do to a side.
Anyway, you get what you pay for, and Mikel Arteta got six goals and a clean sheet. More generally, he got the thumping, confidence-restoring, season-rebooting win he was hoping for, a crest of positivity he'll be riding all the way to [checks fixtures] Saturday lunchtime against Manchester City. Ah.
Elsewhere in the Carabao, officially England's funnest competition, Southampton were putting eight (8) (VIII) past Newport County, a new record away win. The thing about eight, though, is that eight isn't nine. It's close, but it's not there. And nine would have been better. Nine would have been a step towards balancing things out. Can't believe they didn't get nine. Honestly, embarrassing from the Saints.
The other game was nil-nil, because Burnley are Burnley and Newcastle are a cursed institution, destined to make their fans work hard for their limited pleasures. Fourteen goals over three games, and none of them at St. James' Park. An outstanding performance from Wayne Hennessey, which is a collection of words we've not needed for a while. And a Burnley win on penalties. Here's Steve Bruce:
What pleased me more was the performance of the team. I thought we were excellent throughout. If you want to be critical we've missed big, big chances, and at this level against a Premier League team you've got to take them … But we're not having any luck at the minute.
That'll be the curse, Steve.
Golf, Golf, Golf
Football is a strange place these days. Lots of money, lots of celebrity, lots of politics humming along in the background. Sometimes this can make things a little opaque, as we outsiders struggle to work out who is up and down, who is pleased and not pleased, and where the power lies.
Other times, the brother of the Emir of Qatar gets himself onto Twitter and casually destroys Gareth Bale.
If Wales were independent, this might occasion a short war. As it is, the Welsh comeback will likely be limited to some sarcastic celebrations whenever Bale next scores a goal. The Craig Bellamy special. But if we're being honest, this all makes a certain amount of sense.
Football the sport remains football the sport. But the sport of football transfers, that's a much stranger thing. It's pro wrestling for the very rich and very self-important. Money and power, yes, but also posturing, trash talk, heel turns and face. Swinging fists and stamping feet. Jabbing fingers and flapping gums. And sometimes an innocent bystander like Bale just has to take a chair in the face. It's nothing personal. The crowd goes wild.
IN OTHER NEWS
Some own goals are farcical. Others are unfortunate. This one comes with a cruel geometry, a taunting curve that gives everybody time to realise what is happening but nobody time to stop it. Extra time, too. What a way to qualify for the Champions League.
HAT TIP
Here's Daniel Storey, over at the awkwardly uncapitalised i, looking at the rise and fall of Italy's great overachievers Chievo Verona. Excluded from the league on the grounds that they could not guarantee their solvency, they are perhaps the highest profile victims of football's post-pandemic economic contraction. So far.
The irony of Chievo’s demise is that they were not obviously guilty of wanton overspending; this is not an Icarus tale of being charmed by the potential financial rewards of European qualification. Attendances levelled out at around 11,000 after an initial surge in their debut Serie A season. They rarely spent more on transfer fees than they received.
COMING UP
Qualifying for the not-Champions League and the not-even-Europa League finish up this evening. Rangers and Celtic both have first-leg leads to protect, while Tottenham need to overcome their one-goal deficit against Pacos de Ferrerira. Hey, that Harry Kane is quite good at scoring goals. Maybe he could help.
Is that? Is that? It's Tom Adams' music! He'll be here tomorrow!
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