Manchester United - Crystal Palace live updates

Wayne Rooney hits a long pass which provokes strong emotions in the commentary box; Mata's shot is blocked, and United resume possession.

It's a 4-14-1 for United, who have Mata in central midfield - "whenever he plays there he's a threat," says the co-commentator, who has clearly not seen him play there for United very many times.

Martial relaxes past Kelly, who roughs him to the ground. He's booked.

GOAL! Manchester United 1-0 Crystal Palace. Lovely play down the United left, Martial backheeling for Darmian, that renowned inducer of panic with his crosses. He drills one low, there's one red shirt in the box, and Delaney can't help but extend a leg to divert past Speroni.

Er, United have started slowly! They get the ball wide to Valencia, he's not a sccoby what to do, and eventually knocks a visionary pass back to Smalling.

Ah, I forgot - Palace also have a Cup semi-final for which they'll be attempting to preserve themselves. This could be even terribler than first feared.

And away we go!

So, it looks quite a lot like Palace are safe - that's safe, not safe - while United are still pretending they can finish fourth. I predict tedium.

Some 1973 fun: Palace beat United 5-0.

Couple of jazzers here to interrupt your conversation.

Palace are without Bolasie, Ward, Ledley and Dann, while Puncheon is left out. In come Sako, Zaha, Lee, Mariappa and Kelly.

Palace, it appears, are more sophisticated than their Twitter suggests while at the same time exceedingly sophisticated if their Twitter is to be believed - they are listed in Festivus Tree formation, but might wind up in 4-3-3 or 4-5-1. Or perhaps the game will start and they'll run about and stuff.

So, for United, Darmian, Lingard and Martial are added to the team that so distinguished itself against Villa on Saturday, with Rojo, Fellaini and Memphis dropping out. They might be arranged in a 4-1-3-2, but this is Louis van Gaal's United, so more likely it's a 4-1-4-1.

Meanwhile, Palace have a far less sophisticated Twitter game. Pah! Pathetic! Fancy just listing the names of the players!

Speroni; Kelly, Mariappa, Delaney, Souare; Jedinak, Cabaye, Lee; Zaha, Sako; Adebayor.

Subs: McCarthy, Dreher, McArthur, Mutch, Puncheon, Campbell, Wickham.

Aaaaand United's subs: Romero, Fosu-Mensah, Rojo, Young, Fellaini, Herrera, Memphis.