The Warm-Up: Relax Matt Ritchie, that was far from the worst miss ever

Here are the bare facts before we get to the good stuff: Newcastle United beat Burnley 2-1 after Ben Mee’s own-goal and Ciaran Clark’s strike were enough to claim the victory, despite Sam Vokes’s terrific header giving Burnley some hope. Newcastle are now up to the headiest heights of 13th place, but Burnley are troublingly close to trouble, just a point outside the relegation zone.

Good, now that’s out the way, we can talk about Matt Ritchie’s miss.

Wowch. He’ll be thinking about that one for a while.

The obvious thing to do would be compare it to the other great misses of football yore, but do you really think the Warm-Up is that obvious? That lazy? That unimaginative?

Of course we are.

Ronnie Rosenthal is the man most people think of in moments like this, and you can see why, a footballer having an existential crisis at the worst possible moment, and if you look closely you can see the exact second where the thought ‘But what does it all mean?’ flashes across his cerebral cortex. Unfortunately for Ronnie, it was the exact second he pulled his left foot back.

This one, by Illija Sivonjic, retains a certain fondness because of the sheer, implausible physics involved. The very epitome of ‘easier to score than not’.

Speaking of implausible physics, scientists have yet to provide a proper explanation as to how Kanu managed to get this one up and over the bar…

But our all-time favourite, surely never to be beaten, No.1 with a bullet, is Peter van Vossen. It’s got absolutely everything: the incredulous reaction from the manager; the hubris of him imploring his colleague to square it – “I’ve got this Jorg! You can rely on me!”; the obvious technical perfection of the miss; the occasion, in the Old Firm derby; and then the very rapid realisation, after the ball sails gently over the bar, that this is going to be a stalwart on YouTube, an internet video platform that at that stage would not be invented for another nine years, and commented upon by Smart Alec early morning football round-up columns. Peter, wherever you are, we hope you’re OK.

To be honest, Ritchie’s miss – while heinously bad – can’t lace the boots of these calamities. He was under pressure, the angle was a bit tight, he was slightly off balance: sure, it was an open goal, so by definition quite the blooper, but Ritchie can rest easy knowing there have been many, many worse.

The slightly annoying thing about the recovery of Luke Shaw’s form this season is that Jose Mourinho can easily claim it as a victory for tough love. Shaw was the consistent target of Mourinho’s public rinsings over the past couple of seasons, from suggesting he had no football intelligence to insinuating he was faking injury. Whenever Mourinho opened his mouth and mentioned Shaw’s name, it was seemingly to criticise him.

But now that Shaw is good again, Mourinho will just keep doing it, whether specifically throwing a single player under the nearest bus, or collectively throwing all his players under the nearest bus.

Shaw was presumably absolutely delighted he was selected for pre-match media duties ahead of Manchester United’s Champions League game against Young Boys, and did a pretty solid job of looking the public directly in the eye and telling them exactly what it’s like to work for this manager. He said:

United could go through a game early if they win tonight, but are they really happy?

Gianluca Vialli has revealed he has cancer. That’s the bad news, but the good news is he seems to be doing well, and on the mend.

Vialli made the announcement in a new book coming out in Italy, saying he’s been suffering from the disease for a year now, but after treatment is doing well and is back to something like full strength.

“I’m fine now, very well indeed,” Vialli told Corriere della Sera. “It’s been a year and I’m back to having a strong physique. But I still have no certainty of how this match will end.

“I knew it was going to be hard to have to tell others, to tell my family. You would never want to hurt the people who love you. If gives you a sense of shame, as if it is your fault. I would wear a sweater under my shirt so others did not notice anything, that I would still be the Vialli they knew.

“I would have gladly done without [treatment] but it was not possible. Then I considered it a phase of my life that had to be lived with courage and from which to learn something.

“I knew it was hard to have to tell others, to tell my family. You would never want to hurt the people who love you: my parents, my brothers and my sister, my wife Cathryn, our little girls Olivia and Sofia.”

Get well soon Luca. We insist.

On the off chance you’ve missed it, here’s Memphis Depay, wearing your nan’s sofa as a jacket and….rapping?

The Warm-Up once saw David Ginola get off the Eurostar at St Pancras train station. We were sweating, wrestling with a suitcase and almost certainly smelled terrible. David was glowing, sauntered off the platform and into the London afternoon, just handsomely being David Ginola. We can confirm from this that he’s still handsome, and still loves Newcastle.

Rory Smith in the New York Times reflects on the postponed Copa Libertadores final, and what it means for football in Argentina.

Real Madrid face Roma in the Champions League tonight: any excuse to show a clip of the Brazilian Ronaldo – here he is, doing that thing he did.

Ch-ch-ch-champions League! Getcher chops around Lyon vs Manchester City, Manchester United vs Young Boys, Benfica v Bayern and a bunch of others. Plus, there’s some Championship football if you prefer things domestic, with super soaraway leaders Norwich travelling to Hull.