The Warm-Up: When is a derby no longer a derby? When kids embarrass you

As the late, great Bill Shankly once said, “I always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside… Liverpool and Liverpool Under-23s.” Well, close enough.

Confirmation that Liverpool are indeed playing this season on cheat mode arrived on Sunday when a team comprised largely of Championship Manager regens defeated Everton 1-0 in the FA Cup third round. That’s a pretty much full-strength Everton, who now haven’t won at Anfield since 1999 and seemingly couldn’t win at the home of Liverpool even if they were playing the Craggy Island All-Priests Over 75 Five-A-Side team.

Everton will never have a better chance to finally beat Liverpool away. But Adrian made a succession of excellent saves and Everton’s confidence withered. It was left to 18-year-old Curtis Jones to score a remarkable winner for Liverpool, finding the very top corner of the net with a beautiful curling effort from outside the box, leaving Jurgen Klopp babbling platitudes after the match.

“Unbelievable player, Scouser, very confident, can't wait to play in the first team, good, rightly so, he is [on] a very good way," said Klopp. “I have known him for three-and-a-half years, he has made big steps, will 100% be a Liverpool player, if nothing strange happens. Great. That he scores that goal? I am not surprised. He is for these situations. Still a lot to learn, a lot to improve. Sometimes people forget in training, he is 18, unbelievable.”

Liverpool v Everton is now officially a rivalry like Serena Williams v Maria Sharapova is a rivalry. In fact, The Warm-Up is hearing rumours that the Premier League is considering downgrading this fixture from ‘derby’ status. No amount of history can save it after Everton sent their first team to Anfield to get embarrassed by a bunch of kids.

Those among you who spend far too much time online may be aware of the phrase ‘Milkshake Duck’. For the uninitiated, it refers to a phenomenon whereby minor characters suddenly become popular internet sensations, only for the light of day to bring unexpected scrutiny on previously obscured beliefs or attitudes.

It’s basically a joke which started with this tweet:

Anyhow, five days into 2020 and football already has a new Milkshake Duck in the form of Port Vale striker Tom Pope, absolutely bursting with banter, who became the focus of his side’s FA Cup match against Manchester City when a tweet was dug up where he confidently predicted he would score against John Stones.

Which he promptly did in a 4-1 defeat. Cue much joviality, well, basically everywhere. That was Saturday. By Sunday he was under investigation by the FA for tweeting what looked rather like anti-Semitic conspiracy theories:

And rather than acknowledge an error on his part, merely doubled down:

Best of luck explaining that one.

Tottenham’s tricky spell under Jose Mourinho continued on Sunday as they had to come from a goal down to draw 1-1 against Jonathan Woodgate’s Middlesbrough. Lucas Moura saved Spurs from a minor giant-killing and Mourinho dig deep into his excuses bag as he tried to explain the disappointing nature of the display.

“I think this ball is a beach ball,” he said. “It’s too light. I don’t think it helps the players... The Middlesbrough goal is offside. VAR would give it. But the referee was not some guy in an office 200 miles away.”

The absence of Harry Kane due to an injury which will keep him out until March was also a big factor. “Of course, it’s a new thing for the team to play without Harry, without a striker,” Mourinho said.

“We tried to give them the mobility of Son and Lucas, but it was not easy. We played with six attacking players without a striker. We have what we have and we stick with them. The boys did what they can, you cannot transform Lucas or Son into a No9 like Harry Kane. So we have to try other things and that is what we are going to do. Obviously, every minute Harry doesn’t play means a lot to us – it is a big loss for us.”

This is the wrong sport admittedly, but this is excellently done:

Don’t tell the Sheffield Wednesday debutant that there’s no magic in the FA Cup any more after his side knocked out Brighton. Just look at that smile.

On Sunday, Oliver initially yellow carded Luka Milivojevic for a clash with Tom Huddlestone as Crystal Palace lost to Championship Derby, before doing what Premier League officials refuse to do and actually using the pitchside monitor to assist with a VAR decision and upgrading it to a red.

Doesn’t he know you aren’t supposed to use the pitchside monitor to give more clarity to the decision? What does he think this is, a properly functioning system of officiating?

Arsenal face Leeds United in the FA Cup at home tonight. So what else could we bring you but a seismic outpouring of emotion in North London which was felt across the world. Thierry Henry scores in his first game back as an Arsenal player - with a trademark Henry goal too.

Third-round weekend wraps up at the Emirates tonight as Arsenal take on Leeds United. Or for the darts connoisseurs among you, Eurosport has live coverage of the BDO World Championship!