The Warm-Up: Harry Kane's war on rest, JT's Villa test

Shhhh. Just keep quiet for a second and… there! Did you hear it? That metallic grinding sound? That’s the Kanebot 3000, clunking off over the horizon in search of fresh prey.

Think of him as a home-brewed Terminator – less “I’ll be back,” and more “Ignore my back pain.” For the Tottenham striker, despite being more visibly in need of a rest than the cast of your local school run, is not taking no for an answer. The gears are grinding, the chain is rusted, but there’s no way he’s stopping for a WD40 break.

Per The Guardian: “Kane hopes to convince Gareth Southgate to allow him to start England’s Nations League games against Croatia and Spain despite concerns within the coaching set-up over burnout.

“Kane has begun 67 games since the beginning of last season and Southgate rested him for the start for last month’s friendly against Switzerland. However, Kane wants to start tomorrow’s tie against Croatia in Rijeka and next Tuesday’s follow-up against Spain in Seville.”

The first thing to say here – and this comes with a spoiler alert for people new to sport – is that footballers always want to play football. “Ooooh, Alexis Sanchez; I know he’s literally just stepped off his 297th 17-hour flight of the year, but he just wants to play!” The only appropriate managerial response to this is of course: “Great! But I’m going to pick a player without deep-vein thrombosis.”

Kane, in his defence, hasn’t been binge-watching rom-coms on a Boeing 747. But he has been skipping out on rest in a big way, and at times like this you wonder whether this part of athlete education is actually a bit lacking. In football, as in any job, there is something about gritting one’s teeth and powering through that appeals to one’s inner hero complex. But in the long run, it doesn’t always do you good. Your banker friend might be buzzing on adrenaline and caffeine after working another 90-hour week, but he’s going to be in rehab by 35.

All of which is a round-about way of saying this: Harry, mate, try a bit of rest. It might actually mean you’re able to run around properly again.

“Thierry Henry? Not here. Rui Faria? Also absent. OK, next up: is there a Dean Smith in the room? Ah, good. This way, Mr Smith. Now rest assured that you were our first and only choice for this role…”

This is of course a little cruel on the former Brentford boss, whose Championship pedigree probably makes him a better appointment for wavering Aston Villa than the more glamorous names bandied about in the last week or so. “Dean has a clear and successful coaching philosophy,” said chief executive Christian Purslow, which will no doubt be handy.

He also has a big-name assistant, with John Terry landing his first job since retirement. One imagines that will very much be a full-kit-on-under-tracksuit arrangement, with the odds on 26th-minute substitutions in all future Villa games tumbling as we speak.

Lock up your Walters; Roy Keane is targeting a return to full-time management. The Republic of Ireland’s Chief of Employee Happiness is keen on branching out alone again after a few years spent at Martin O’Neill’s side, with the Championship his most likely destination.

Not that he’d do anything as horrifying as actually identifying his options, of course. “This idea I’d be looking at a club and thinking, ‘I fancy that one’ – I don’t work that way, I don’t network,” said Keane.

“But hopefully soon I’d like to become a manager again. It’s just getting that offer and challenge that will rock my boat. I’d be realistic, it’s hardly going to be a Premier League offer, realistically in the Championship. But there are a lot of brilliant clubs there.”

All of which is fine and good, but The Warm-Up drifted off into a reverie upon hearing one of those first sentences, which would surely be the ultimate title for Keane’s next set of memoirs. “I Don’t Network: the Roy Keane Story” – sign us up.

The inaugural (and, let’s be honest, last) Sensitive Soul of the Week award goes to… drum roll please… Heurelho Gomes!

If the gumshield was not enough of a give-away already, we now have confirmation that the Watford goalkeeper is a gentle giant, in the form of this Peter Crouch anecdote about Rory Delay’s long throws at Stoke:

“I watched people panic and give away corners instead of throw-ins due to the sheer panic and confusion that it caused.

“I remember Heurelho Gomes… believe it or not, we were launching in these missiles – there was myself, loads of people coming, piling into the box – and I actually remember Gomes taking the knee and throwing the ball out with a tear in his eye.

“He just couldn’t handle this aerial bombardment that was going on. He was in a state of turmoil. Genuinely he was very upset. He was very upset, physically distressed by the amount of aerial bombardment coming in.”

Poor thing. And so much for the Tall Players’ Union, eh Crouchy?

England actually played Croatia on this day in 2006, and it’s an occasion most of the Three Lions players have probably spent the intervening 12 years trying to forget. None more so than poor Paul Robinson, who was so cruelly pranked by a chunk of turf in Zagreb:

The worst bobble of all time? Definitely up there, although we’re contractually obliged to include Stan Collymore and Tim Flowers in the conversation:

And if you want an outside runner, how about this slice of magnificence from South Africa? Full marks for the fullness of that swing:

A very happy Warm-Up birthday to Sir Bobby Charlton, who is 81 years young today. Here’s a nice little video of his best moments for England. That hit against Mexico: WOOF.

Wright Thompson on Gianluigi Donnarumma: yes, yes, yes. Also in that category: Marina Hyde on the gender politics of the Women’s World Cup.

What’s complex, exciting and (nearly) rhymes with “You ate elation’s greed”? Why it’s the UEFA Nations League, of course, crashing back into our lives with its snazzy graphics and competitive action. But Poland vs Portugal and Israel vs Scotland represent fairly thin gruel on Thursday night, so the clever people among you will probably be heading to Friendlyville instead.

The top attractions there are France vs Iceland and, most intriguing of all, Wales vs Spain. Ryan Giggs’ side are without the injured Gareth Bale, and could find the going tough against a team that spanked World Cup finalists Croatia last time out.