The Warm-Up: Modric wins the Ballon d'Or, is not asked to twerk

The Warm-Up is here to bring you some breaking news: Luka Modric continues to be really good at football. Happily the good people at France Football agree with that controversial opinion, and have awarded the newly re-separated from the FIFA mob Ballon d’Or to the wee Croatian.

Here is Luka, emerging from some dry ice like he’s just told Matthew Kelly that, tonight, he was going to be the best footballer in the world. (For those unfamiliar with the reference, Stars In Their Eyes was a UK gameshow in the 1990s hosted by tall light entertainer Kelly, in which plumbers from Orpington or nurses from Wigan would impersonate pop stars, with varying degrees of success. Basically fancy karaoke. No, we’ve got no idea how it got commissioned either.)

Modric winning was no particular shock, but perhaps more surprising was the fact Leo Messi was out of the top three for the first time in a decade. Despite winning the double with Barcelona, Messi placed fifth, with Cristiano Ronaldo second, Antoine Griezmann third and Kylian Mbappe fourth. The PSG forward also won a new young player’s award, just in case you weren’t feeling inadequate enough about what he’s achieved before he’s 20.

It remains extremely silly to dish out individual awards like this in a team sport, but everyone put some nice suits and frocks on and had a lovely evening, plus at least Ronaldo didn’t win it. Small mercies.

This will inevitably seem like an opinion either your dad or some bloke down the pub has, but it is pretty ridiculous that Jurgen Klopp will almost certainly get a touchline ban after charging onto the pitch in a moment of spontaneous joy when Divock Origi scored that absurd winner in the Merseyside derby.

Of course the FA had to give Klopp a slap on the wrist, because last season Jose Mourinho was sent to the stands for going onto the pitch and people would have simply burst if the vague impression of inconsistency was given.

But Klopp apologised, not that he needed to since Marco Silva said he didn’t notice anyway, and in any case who is genuinely offended that a manager celebrated a crucial, 96th minute goal in a local derby? Are we really at the point where we have to punish a manager for running in celebration?

Yes, is the answer apparently.

Mark Hughes is once again roaming the streets after the inevitable happened and he was sacked by Southampton, the club’s board clearly deciding that failing to beat Manchester United is simply beyond the boundaries of acceptability.

That 2-2 draw with United at the weekend initially seemed to have bought Hughes some time, but it turned out to be the equivalent of a useless boyfriend buying a bunch of flowers a week after forgetting an anniversary. Too little, too late, and Hughes is out on his behind once again.

Southampton were the model club once upon a time, the smaller side that all other smaller sides wanted to emulate, a sound decision-making process, crack player scouting and supportive owners combining to make them punch above their weight. Now, they’re floundering in the sea, having gone for a quick fix last season that just about worked, now looking for their third manager since sacking Claude Puel for finishing 8th last year.

The man in the frame is former RB Leipzig top dog Ralph Hassenhuttl, so at least it looks like they might be back to their shrewd and creative pomp once more. The question now is whether he can clean up the mess left by Hughes.

Yes yes, very impressive that Luka Modric won the men’s Ballon d’Or. But loads of blokes have done that. Only one woman has ever won it, which is broadly because this is the first year it’s been given out, but congratulations to Lyon’s Norwegian forward Ada Hegerberg who lifted the inaugural women’s gong, just pipping Pernille Harder and teammate Dzsenifer Maroszan. A glittering high point in someone’s career you might think, a time to truly enjoy their professional accomplishments. And yet…

The Warm-Up hadn’t heard of Martin Solveig – a DJ, apparently – before last night, and frankly we look back on that time as the glory days. For reasons unclear this clattering chump was involved in some sort of presenting capacity at the Ballon d’Or, which unfortunately meant he had to talk to people. Which he seemingly has a few problems with, if his words to Hegerberg are anything to go by.

Solveig encouraged Hegerberg to twerk – yep – after receiving her award, which he later wrote off as mere banter while offering the most mealy of mouthed apologies.

But dear god, what sort of thought process goes through a person’s head to decide that, as someone is being honoured with an award not just prestigious but historic, to not treat them like the leader in their field but more like some sort of anonymous backing dancer in a Nicki Minaj video?

Look at how mortified, angry and just sad Hegerberg seems as she says no and quickly turns away. That’s how she’ll think of this night now, as the time some gormless worm encouraged her to wave her bottom in the air, not as the time she was presented with a glorious award.

Sod off Martin. Then come back, and sod off again.

Anyway, let’s finish this bit on something positive, so here’s Hegerberg’s acceptance speech…

In the Guardian, Ben Fisher walks us through what’s gone wrong at Southampton.

Make yourself a cup of something comforting, and settle down to watch every goal of Italia 90. No reason, just because really.

Hey, looksee here – some Premier League to enjoy. The first wedge of the midweek round of fixtures features Watford v Manchester City, Bournemouth v Huddersfield, West Ham v Cardiff and perhaps the biggest, Brighton v Crystal Palace, the weirdest derby in England.