The Warm-Up: What if football is naff when it returns?

ByBen Snowball

Updated 06/05/2020 at 08:58 GMT

What if our lust for football has blinded us to an unavoidable truth - it will probably be boring when it returns?

Josep Guardiola, Jurgen Klopp

Image credit: Getty Images

WEDNESDAY’S BIG STORIES

Are we sure this will be fun?

A six-week festival. Every game shown live. Pure, unadulterated football to ease our misery. Fun, right?

Premier League

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Unless it isn’t. What if talk surrounding shorter halves, neutral venues, bonus subs and free-to-air matches is distracting us from the main problem: football without fans is awful?

Think of your fondest memories. That groan as someone pinches the ball back in the final seconds. The commentator fighting to be heard amid screeching whistles. The ball hitting the net, plummeting a stadium into silence.

OK, that memory doesn’t sound particularly fond. But who is tuning in for Burnley v Crystal Palace – or any combination of about 12 teams – when it resembles a competitive training session? Empty seats. Zero noise. “This is the new normal” becoming the slogan for mediocrity.

Even the big games will be naff. Sure, it might be entertaining for a few days, but football is about passion and despair. Triumph and disaster. Footballers alone can’t deliver that – especially when they will lack intensity after their unwelcome sabbatical.

Remember how bad the Champions League final was after a three-week break? Well, imagine it without fans and reduce the importance. The financial implications mean football has little choice – safety is obviously paramount – but the Warm-Up wonders how many of those who begin watching the festival will make it to the end.

Come August, we might be begging football’s lawmakers to side with Gordon Taylor and make the matches as short as possible after all...

'Neutral ground solution doesn’t make sense'

But come on…

OK, bit dramatic. We won’t be logging into Change.org to circulate a petition just yet. Shorter halves, whether 10 minutes or 40 minutes, is a ridiculous proposal – especially during the season.

But rather than bleat with a hastily-clobbered-together argument, we’ll point you in the direction of Mr Paul Parker. His view? "Load of rubbish". Simple.

We all know that if football starts, it will be done in the most legitimate way possible. That’s 45 minutes each way plus added time. It’s not a training session. It’s not a pre-season tournament. It’s a regulated game of football. I don’t know what difference the time change would make. I didn’t know that being outside for a certain amount of time made a difference. It’s not going to be taken seriously.

Paul was *segues into promotional plug* appearing on the latest Game of Opinions podcast concerning Project Restart – and how it’s got basically everything wrong so far. Available on all major pod platforms now…

Why shorter halves of football is a ridiculous idea

Doctors fight back

As doctors, how can we ‘approve’ guidelines that still carry risk of death?

Uh oh. That harrowing question, and about 100 others, landed in the inbox of Premier League chiefs this week. According to The Athletic, all 20 top-tier doctors sent a joint email ahead of the next meeting on Monday. Here’s a few more of their brainteasers:

“Lots of pressure on individual medical teams to reassure players and staff on something we are very uncertain about… is it fair to expect players and staff to agree with an operational policy related to an unknown virus? Do all the staff have to sign that they are happy with the COVID-19 protocol? Is this a disclaimer if anything happens to a player? Who is liable, the doctor or the Premier League?"

Don’t think we’ll be seeing a return any time soon…