World Cup Warm-Up: England go through the motions for The Game That Nobody Wants

Third place doesn’t mean nothing: Sweden ‘94, Croatia ‘98 and Turkey 2002 will attest to that. But the act of securing it sounds like the biggest pain in the international backside.

A few days after coming up agonisingly short against Croatia in the semi-final in Moscow, Gareth Southgate and his squad have had to travel to Saint Petersburg and go through the same motions – the ice baths, the yoga, the video analysis, the earnest team talks and the press conferences – for what can should be described as the anti-final.

Has World Cup history ever witnessed two such decently-sized teams play two dead rubbers in the same tournament? On one hand, it’ll be a bit of a shame to see England and Belgium merely tick the boxes on a second non-event in the space of 16 days. But, of course, they only have themselves to blame.

There is the Golden Boot at stake, of course, for Harry Kane. After a season in which he was increasingly, and mostly playfully, ridiculed for his personal goalscoring obsession, this is a landmark nobody should begrudge: England’s first World Cup top goalscorer since Gary Lineker in 1986. Don’t bother picking apart those six goals so far, the numbers are the numbers.

There will be starts for Trent Alexander-Arnold – a glimpse to the promising future – and new dad Fabian Delph, who has been about as emotionally involved as a squad member can be. The match will be low-key, that’s obvious, but England still haven’t earned the right to take World Cup football for granted. Third place doesn’t mean nothing.

For a squad apparently so perturbed by the English media’s pre-match chat in the semi-finals, Croatia are now giving it the big ‘un. Admittedly, they have earned the right.

“This is a historic game not just for the 13 or 14 players and the squad but also for everybody who is a Croat,” Ivan Rakitic said yesterday. “There will be 4.5 million players on the pitch.

Rakitic – England’s deputy tormentor-in-chief alongside Luka Modric in Moscow on Wednesday night – left nobody in any doubt that this would be the absolute pinnacle for both him and Croatian football: “I would definitely leave my football boots behind on Monday if that was the price I had to pay to win for my country, to win for Croatia.”

This didn’t feel like hubris, but there was a moment for levity. No big game is complete without somebody promising an ill-advised tattoo. “On my forehead!” Rakitic suggested. Maybe not, mate. Good luck, though.

If the prospect of a third-place medal wasn’t enough of a consolation, one of England’s stand-out World Cup performers will return home to a very special award.

Kieran Tripper is to be granted the freedom of the borough of Bury, an honour previously bestowed upon indie band Elbow, director Danny Boyle and Jill Neville, mother of Gary and Phil.

“He deserves to be acknowledged,” said Councillor Rishi Shori of the Ramsbottom-born Trippier. “He is a huge role model to younger people and hopefully can inspire the next generation of footballers in Bury.”

So that’s nice, isn’t it? Trippier can drive his sheep through Bury town centre or something now.

As Russia 2018 prepares to wrap it up, The New York Times’Andrew Kehexamines how the 2022 hosts Qatar are turning themselves into World Cup hosts. It’s….not straightforward.

On this day in 1996, Brazil’s World Cup winners from two years earlier arrive in New York to take on a FIFA XI. In between goals from Bebeto and Roberto Carlos, please enjoy Jurgen Klinsmann’s frankly ridiculous volley…

The third-place playoff. The pits. England vs Belgium. You know you’ll watch it anyway.