So that's goodbye from me and goodbye from me!
PYEONGCHANG 2018 LIVE
- All sports
Anyway, I'm sad to say that this is us. What a 17 days it's been, what a 17 days it always is. We'll be back in Tokyo in two years time ... see you then!
Eurosport's experts say the Games were very nicely organised, but lacked a central meeting place. I found that upsetting myself.
Lights now show snowflakes, which I think symbolises lights showing a snowflake. It's profoundly meta.
Our five children are back, bouncing across the ice, no doubt to symbolise the fluctuating fortunes of life and other as yet undiscovered existential questions.
EXO, one of K-Pop's most famous boybands are taking us through Power.
It's time for some traditional dancing, accompanied, naturally enough, by a fleet of buggy-jeep affairs.
"And now it is my obligation to declare the Olympic Winter Games of Pyeongchang 2018 ... closed."
You're harshing my buzz, man.
Everyone's favourite Tongan ascends the dais, along with various other athletes; a Nigerian bobsledder, Lindsey Vonn and others. They pose for a photo with Bach.
Bach says these have been the Games of "new horizons". There have been new events, competitors, and more elemental stuff too.
Thomas Bach congratulates Pyeongchang and says we've seen Games that were an homage to the past and an act of faith in the future.
My computer crashed, but we're listening to the closing speeches; apparently the Games were good, folks!
Seems to be the message.
See you in Beijing!
We see a globe in the middle of the ice and hear some generic tune, like someone has pushed the "rock music" button on an 80s Bontempi keyboard.
We're seeing some gorgeous swirls of electric light. There are pandas.
Beijing give us a taster of what their Games will be like; no city in history has hosted both summer and winter Olympiads.
We sing the China national anthem.
Apparently Beijing has a similar climate to Pyeongchang. Who could have guessed.
The mayor of Pyeongchang will pass the Olympic flag to Thomas Bach, who'll pass it to the mayor of Beijing, which is where we'll be in 2022. Human beings are really weird aren't they? Jae-Guk Sim is enjoying a valedictory wave, now Bach has a wave, and finally Jiniing Chen.
A boy sings the Olympic anthem.In approximately seven years, his mates are going to rinse him hard.
Up goes the Greece flag, anthem playing too.
Extremely tangentially, this is probably my favourite Eurovision winner of all-time.
I'll level with you: I've not a scooby how this is going on for another hour-20. But we'll help ourselves through it, because what else can we do?
K-pop time, and the one like CL.
Here come some volunteers. my mate's dad was a gamesmaker in 2012, and he's still going on about it now. He's an absolute liege, as I'm sure you can imagine.
These effects are pretty nifty, it has to be said and "facilitate a reinvigorated sense of adventure". Sorry, I'm just off hitchhiking to Bhutan; I'm inspired.
My three favourite songs about time there.
"Modern dance and new media art, all about redefining time and space as a relative concept rather than an absolute one" - by amazing coincidence, exactly what I was thinking.
A pause as the ice is cleared, before more music.
That's Finland's only gold of the Games, incidentally.
Iivo Niskanen from Finland steps onto the centre podium; Bolshunov of OAR came second, and looks displeased with himself fof so doing. He's only 21, so will get plenty more goes.
Now the men's ceremony for the 50km mass start.
Here comes the Norway anthem. You know the words by now.
Norway's 39 medals is the most ever won by any nation. Their 40 golds is the same as that achieved by Canada in 2010.
Marit Bjorgen, already the greatest Winter Olympian of all-time, absolutely stormed hame; she is rrrridiculous.
Here are the medalists for the women's 30km cross-country skiing.
We remember those who couldn't make the Games with the mystical turtle, flying across the planet and to the heavens.
There are drones in the sky forming the Olympic mascot. 5g control too (whatever that means).
Is this "unlucky"? Elise Christie would probably deem it thus.
People are enjoying themselves.
Laura Deas is milling about in her medal, and Dom Parsons is doing likewise.
Ah, there's your Lindsey Vonn; what a hero she is.
We're seeing a great light show, flags across seats.
More athletes jigging, the jiggling to come later.
And look at that! Diggins and Fourcade both have their countries' flags. Cross-country baby.
I can only imagine, nae dream of, the state of all this lot, and rightly so.
Here come our athletes....
I'm fairly surprised to find myself saying this, but my favourites probably came in the cross-country skiiing. Jessie Diggins taking USA to gold in the team event and Marit Bjorgen becoming the most-decorated Winter Olympian ever, Martin Fourcade killing it, and Johannes Hoesflot Klaebo monstering everyone.
We see some of the amazing moments that have glorified our last bit on this sorry planet. What was your favourite?
"The prayer pagoda shining with the light of harmony and solidarity." And let us say amen.
We've got more guitarists and some kind of electric affair I've never seen before, almost like an upright violaharp.
A 13-year-old guitarist races into an interpretation of Vivaldi's Four Seasons. A bunch of dancers in fluorescent suits do stuff up the ramp leading to the flame. This represents elements of sport, obviously.
National anthem time. Join in at home.
A bunch of local kids in traditional regalia are walking towards the guard of honour, close to the flame ... don't worry, it's well up in the air.
Presidents in the house: of Korea and of the IOC. Ivanka Trump is there too, and why ever not?
When in doubt, just burn money. Here comes our first dose of breathtaking fireworks.
We're seeing some lovely circles and lights, moving around a central circle on the ice, then concentric circles.
Ev'ry time we say goodbye... after a devastatingly brilliant men's hockey final, and after a devastatingly brilliant two-and-a-bit weeks, we've reached the end of the line. I'm sorry.